Hello everyone. I have written a story. I hope you enjoy it. It is a work of fiction. I thought it would make a change!
Chapter One~ Heidi is born.
My daughter Heidi was born one icy
night in December 1996. There was frost on the ground as Bill
hurriedly scraped ice off the windows of his Transit van. Bill told
me felt a mixture of excitement and fear as he started the engine
after making sure I had packed my bags into the van.
The van skidded slightly as it made its
way slowly down the frozen road.
Bill switched on the windscreen wipers
to stop the tiny flecks of snow from obscuring his view.
I can remember breathing heavily and
every so often I let out a low moan.
Bill tried to reassure me as we made
our way to the hospital. He told me that he could see the stars
twinkling in the sky as he drove along on that clear, crisp night. I
know he was trying to take my mind off the pain I was in at that
moment.
I was usually seen as so capable, but
that night I know I must have looked lost and out of my depth as we
continued with our journey.
“ Don't worry Katie, we will be there
soon.” Bill soothed me.
“ I really hope so!” I whimpered.
Despite the cold weather, I was feeling hot, sweaty and
uncomfortable.
When we arrived at the hospital, Bill
parked the van as quickly as he could and ushered me into the waiting
room. I was physically shaking with fear. I know many women have
babies every day but this was my first child and I had no idea what
to expect.
A nurse came over to greet us and to
take down the necessary details. We were shown into a side room and I
had a monitor strapped onto me to measure my contractions.
A while later, another nurse gave me an
internal examination and told me that labour had not progressed very
far and that I was in for quite a long wait. I found that hard to
believe as I was in so much pain. It was hard to imagine that the
pain was set to get worse. The nurse told us that we could go home if
we wanted to and return when the contractions were stronger and
closer together or we could stay at the hospital as it was so late
and the snow looked like it might settle. Bill looked at the clock on
the wall. It was 3.00am.
There didn't seem to be much point in
returning home. We decided to stay.
Bill nodded off in a chair every now
and then but I was wide awake.
Every ten minutes or so I felt strong
pains in my abdomen and I panted and groaned my way through them.
They would ease off for a while and my eyes would start to close but
then the contractions would reappear, meaning sleep was impossible.
At around 6am, a nursing assistant came
in with tea and toast for me.
Bill ate the toast as I felt sick and
could only sip a little of my tea.
The nurse monitored my contractions
again and said that they were still 10 minutes apart and that it
would be quite a while until I experienced full labour.
A little later, when it was obvious
that I wasn't going to deliver any time soon, Bill took the van and
went and bought some groceries before the snow got too deep. He
dropped them off home before returning to the hospital.
By this time I had been moved to a
bigger ward.
This ward had ten beds and they were
occupied by women who were also waiting to have their babies. They
had all been admitted for observation.
I started to feel anxious. I was not
sure why I had been moved to the ward. Was something wrong?
I was very relieved when Bill returned.
“ Don't worry love. You will be fine.
You are in the best place.” he soothed.
At lunch, Bill went off to the canteen
to get something to eat but I still wasn't hungry.
One of the nurses advised me to try to
eat something. “ You will need your strength for when full labour
kicks in.' she advised.
I tried eating a little mashed potato
and I drank some water but I still felt sick.
After lunch they strapped a monitor
onto me once more. At first the trace was normal but then, every so
often, my baby seemed to go still and the reading became less
regular. This made me feel panicky.
One of the nurses, who happened to be
walking past, noticed that the reading was abnormal. She came over
and observed for a while, before warning me, “ I am sure there is
nothing to worry about but as the readings on the monitor are a
little unusual. I am just going to call the doctor to have a little
look at you.”
The next thing I knew was that a doctor
had arrived and was asking the nurses to prepare me for theatre. I
burst into tears. One of the nurses put her arms round me and told me
not to worry. She explained that the baby was a little distressed and
so the safest thing now would be for my baby to be delivered by
caesarian section. She gave me something to drink that tasted of
aniseed. She explained that this was to help with my digestion as I
had just eaten. The anaesthetist appeared and explained that he
would be giving me a spinal block so that I would be conscious while
my baby was delivered.
I was amazed when a while later, they
placed my beautiful baby into my arms.
The whole experience was surreal. Bill
had arrived in time to get washed and prepared for theatre as the
anaesthetist had given permission for him to be there. Bill had been
allowed to hold our baby daughter as the surgeon finished the
operation.
Once this had been done ,I was allowed
to hold her. I felt so happy and proud to see my little daughter
lying so close to me. She had wisps of blonde hair and when one eye
opened a little, I noticed it was clear blue.
A short while later, our little family
arrived in a post-natal ward and I was helped by the nurse to breast
feed my daughter.
“ She is so beautiful, Bill.” I
murmured as I looked down at my daughter.
Bill had to agree.
“ We are so lucky.” I said.
We decided to call our daughter, Heidi.
Our friends and family visited and everyone told us how lovely Heidi
was.
I didn't know it then but at that time
clairvoyants and astrologers across the world were picking up that
something amazing had happened. A child had been born that would be
of huge significance in years to come. They looked into the future,
to the year 2016 and shuddered. The World would be a troubled place
at that time, they feared and they realised that it would be in
urgent need of people who could lead others and give them some hope.
They feared that this would be a time of suffering for a great many
people and that they would need brave, strong yet loving people to
help them. They predicted that one such person had just been born.
Chapter 2~ Things fall apart.
A few days later Heidi and I had been
discharged and Bill took us proudly home in the van.
Things went well at first as Heidi
settled quickly into a routine. She was easy to feed and slept quite
soundly. The Health Visitor was happy with her progress and I became
more confident in my ability as a parent.
Bill seemed a little quiet but I
assumed that this was because it was taking him a little while to get
used to being a dad.
Bill started going out with his friends
in the evening and at first I didn't mind this as I liked staying in
watching Heidi sleeping soundly in her Moses basket. Later, when
Heidi started to become harder to settle and more restless at night,
I started to hope that Bill might help out more. In reality, he
stayed out longer and when he was home, he became grumpier and less
helpful.
When Heidi was around three weeks old,
she started to scream at around the same time every evening.
My sister Emma came to visit at around
this time and was able to explain that she thought Heidi was
suffering with Colic.
I contacted my health visitor who
confirmed that this was likely to be the case.
Poor Heidi yelled and yelled. At times
it felt to me as if she would never stop.
One evening when Heidi started
shrieking, I asked Bill if he could hold her for a bit as I needed to
go to the toilet.
Bill did hold his daughter but as soon
as I returned, he handed her back. He put on his coat.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Out.” replied Bill, the front door
slamming behind him.
Bill didn't come home until the early
hours of the morning and when he got in he started banging around.
The noise disturbed Heidi who started to cry. I could smell alcohol
on his breath.
“ Bill, you have woken her up!” I
grumbled. I had not slept at all well as I had been upset about
Bill's attitude.
Bill shouted back, “ Well it's
obvious I am not wanted around here!”
He turned around and left the house.
The next day, Bill returned, at around
midday.
He explained that he needed some space
and that he was moving out for a while.
I felt lost and confused.
How had things gone from perfect to
dreadful, in a few short weeks?
I phoned my sister who invited us to
spend a few days with her.
I hurriedly packed a few things and
carried Heidi to the train station. I bought a ticket to Brighton,
which was where Emma lived.
It was lovely spending time with Emma
and her family. I get on well with Emma's husband Joe. My nephew,
Jake ,is really funny too. He was going through the 'Terrible Two's'
but Emma seemed to take all this in her stride.
I explained to Emma what had happened
with me and Bill.
Emma told me not to worry. She felt
certain that Bill would be back before too long and she explained
that Joe has found it hard to adjust to being a parent at first.
I found this hard to believe as he had
always seemed so good with his son. Joe told me that he found Jake a
lot easier now that he could walk and was starting to talk. He
admitted that he had found Jake quite overwhelming when he was newly
born.
I started to feel better about things.
Heidi still had Colic and still spent a lot of time screaming but I
was starting to feel less anxious about this. It was great having my
sister around to help me. The only problem was that every time I
tried to phone Bill, he failed to answer his phone.
I realised that I needed to go home and
find Bill, to talk things over with him, so I decided to get back on
the train and try to sort things out.
The journey home was rather difficult,
as Heidi was restless. It was very hard to settle her but eventually
we arrived home.
When I let myself in the flat, the
first thing I noticed was a letter on the door mat.
I recognised Bill's handwriting.
I could feel my heart thumping in my
chest as I ripped open the envelope and started to read the note that
I found inside.
It read:
Dear Katie,
I am sorry but I don't love you any
more. I should have been more honest with you before and I am sorry
about that but the truth is, I have met someone else. I have been
seeing herfor a few months now. I had thought that it might be a
passing thing and that when Heidi was born I would be able to love
you again but this hasn't happened.
I believe that we owe it to ourselves
to be happy and that we only have one life and so we should not live
a lie. I have moved in with Susan and so far things are going well.
I will be in touch in a few days to
arrange contact with Heidi as I want to be a good dad to her.
I am sorry to hurt your feelings but I
am sure that one day you will meet someone new and you will be able
to put this behind you.
Take care of yourself and Heidi,
Bill x
I could not believe it.
I felt a tight knot in the pit of my
stomach and had to sit down. I cradled Heidi to me as she had woken
up and started to whimper.
What was I going to do?
Well, what I did was cope, just about.
Between awful periods of crying and feeling desperate, I carried on
looking after my tiny daughter and did my best to keep things
together.
A few days later Bill came to visit. I
found it very hard but I tried to be reasonable and stay calm for
Heidi's sake.
It was hard for me to keep back the
tears as I watched Heidi sleeping in Bills arms. Bill sat in a chair
in what had been our lounge.
I found myself asking, “ Tell me
about Susan.”
I really didn't know why I said that
but as soon as the words came out of my mouth Bill's eyes lit up and
he started to tell me how lovely Susan was. I couldn't bear to hear
this so I immediately tried to change the subject by asking,“How
did you meet her?”
Bill explained that they had met one
day when I had declined a night out to see local band, 'The
Pastries.' Susan had been there, dancing at the front and they had
got talking. One thing led to another and so on and so on.
I stopped listening. My mind travelled
back to that day when I was about 6 months pregnant and I had been
too tired to go to the gig.
I felt stupid really, how could I have
had no idea that this was happening?
Bill was still in mid-flow telling me
how wonderful Susan was. He seemed oblivious to the slow tears
sliding down my face, smudging my mascara.
For Heidi's sake, I wiped my tears and
asked about contact.
Bill and I arranged that he would call
round and visit Heidi once a week. Initially he would either stay
round at mine or take her to the park, something like that.
He said that when Heidi got a bit older
he would like to take her out for longer.
I realised that it was important
for Heidi to be able to see her dad but I was not happy at the
thought that she may soon be introduced to Susan. I felt that I never
wanted to meet her and hated the thought that Heidi may be influenced
by her as she grew up. What kind of person would steal a pregnant
woman's boyfriend and then rob a child of their dad?
I felt real anger whenever I thought
about her.
The sad thing about all this was that
Bill probably had genuinely intended to see Heidi regularly but as
time wore on he started to see her less and less.
I felt disappointed for Heidi but there
was nothing that I could do.
I went through a difficult period where
I struggled to take care of my daughter. I found it hard to get
enough sleep even after Heidi's Colic stated to ease, when she
reached 3 months of age.
I felt lost, alone and scared.
Chapter 3~ Recovery.
One particularly bad night saw me
pacing up and down trying to rock Heidi to sleep while struggling to
hold back tears myself. As Heidi cried, I could hear myself
whimpering too. I just wished that I could sleep for a little while
because maybe then I would start to feel a little better. Eventually
Heidi started to drop off to sleep so I gently eased her back into
her Moses basket.
I sank into an armchair and closed my
eyes at last. I fell into a deep sleep, full of dreams.
I dreamed that I was dosing in the
armchair when I heard the door creek. I looked up and into the room
walked a little girl. She had curly blonde hair and she was
beautiful.
I opened my eyes and gasped as the
little girl approached me.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“I am Heidi, your daughter.” the
little girl replied.
“I am visiting you from the future in
order to help you now. I know things are tough now that Daddy has
left but you are strong, Mummy, and you are going to be OK. I love
you Mummy.”
I looked at her in amazement. She was
wearing a lovely simple white dress and around her neck she wore a
little silver necklace.
As I stared at her she gently removed
the necklace and pressed it into my hand.
I could feel the little necklace in my
hand as Heidi leaned forward and gave me a small kiss before turning
around and silently leaving the room.
A small draft entered the lounge as
Heidi left and this made me shudder a little. I started to stir and
my eyes opened. I realised that I was feeling oddly calm.
“Wow, what a vivid dream!” I
exclaimed to myself but then I noticed that in my hand I was
clutching a little necklace. I looked closely at it and I could see
that the necklace had a silver charm on it. The charm was a conch
shell. The necklace was very real.
I got up and checked my baby daughter
was still asleep. Heidi was indeed slumbering peacefully.
“I must be going mad.” I murmured
to herself. I fumbled with the clasp of the necklace and placed it
around my neck.
I had no idea what I would say if
anyone asked me where I got the necklace from. I couldn't explain any
of it.
Despite this strange experience, I felt
oddly comforted by the words of the little girl and I had to admit
she did look a lot like my daughter would probably look when she was
about ten.
I started coping better with everyday
life and when it was obvious that Bill wasn't going to be on the
scene very often, I started to get on with things myself.
I wore the beautiful necklace a lot and
people admired it and sometimes asked me where I got it from. I said
that it was a present from a friend and nobody questioned this apart
from when I took Heidi to a Psychic Fayre.
It was being held at the local theatre.
I was walking past with the pushchair when I noticed a poster
advertising the event. I suppose I went in out of curiosity, really.
Admission was free.
I wheeled my daughter into the hall and
started to look at the stalls. One Psychic was doing readings and I
decided to have one done.
I was quite open minded when it came to
Spirituality.
I went into the little back room where
the readings were taking place. Heidi was sleeping in her pram.
I sat down opposite the Fortune Teller.
She was an attractive woman with dark hair, beautiful gold earrings
and a purple headscarf. She greeted me warmly and smiled over at my
daughter sleeping in her pram. She asked me to hold out my hand and
she gently grasped it for a second before starting to read my palm.
She sat quietly staring deeply at my
palm before speaking.
“ You will have a long life. Your
role on earth is to nurture....”
She paused and looked up into my face.
She started deeply into my eyes and then she gasped.
“ Can I see your necklace?” she
asked.
I felt rather puzzled by this but I
unclasped her shell necklace and pressed it into the woman's hand.
She closed her hand over the necklace
and shut her eyes. She breathed deeply for a few moments before
opening her eyes and asking, “ Where did you get this?”
I didn't know how to answer. I started
to explain that a friend gave me the necklace but the woman stopped
me and said, “ A little girl gave it to you didn't she?”
I didn't know how to answer this. I
opened my mouth to speak but the woman held her fingers to her lips
to quieten me. She told me “The girl who gave you this is very
special. She will change the world one day.”
She carried on with my reading while my
heart thumped excitedly in my chest.
She told me that I had experienced
recent sadness but that soon I would find lasting happiness. I would
find love again and the man that I would grow to love had a name
that began with J.
I found this hard to believe but
thanked the woman and got up to leave. As I did so the woman
approached Heidi's pram and looked down at the sleeping baby. When
she saw Heidi she nodded slightly and then smiled at the sleeping
child.
“ Your child is very special, take
good care of her.” the woman announced.
I nodded agreement. “ I will do my
very best for her.” I agreed.
Following that day, things started to
get a little easier.
Chapter 4~ Friendship.
Heidi started to settle down at night.
The more relaxed I felt, the more relaxed my daughter became.
She passed all her developmental checks
and seemed to be thriving. I had a lot of stress to cope with,
applying for benefits to help support myself and my baby now that
Bill had gone. I also knew that there would be a rocky road ahead
with the Child Support Agency getting involved and trying to get Bill
to pay maintenance.
I had tried phoning him to ask him to
meet to discuss this but there had been no reply.
I couldn't believe that Bill had been
so close to me a few short months ago and now I didn't even know
where he was. I figured that he must be living at Susan's house but I
didn't even know what town that was in.
Our friends felt awkward about the
whole thing and changed the subject quickly whenever I mentioned
Bill. I could understand that it must be difficult for them as they
had been both our friends so their loyalty was probably divided.
Another problem was that we had been
the first in our circle to have a baby so I no longer had much in
common with them. They seemed to be out most nights, having a good
time and I was in with my daughter.
I started to feel rather isolated so I
decided that the time had come to socialise a bit more. I had very
little money left over after paying bills and buying groceries but I
noticed an advert on the Community Notice Board in my local
Supermarket. It was for a family drop-in centre which was open every
Monday, Wednesday and Friday and it was free to attend.
I decided that this was something I
would definitely go to and so the following Wednesday I got Heidi
dressed up, in her pram and I walked her to the centre.
I found the address and was a little
daunted at first, especially as you had to walk down a rather creepy
and dingy alleyway to get to the hall.
As I walked down the dirty alley, some
pigeons took flight, making me jump!
I was glad that I plucked up courage
to go in though as I was made to feel really welcome. There was a
leader and around 10 parents with their young children. Some were men
and some were women and the children seemed to range in age from
newborn to around 4.
Most of the older children were having
fun riding toy bikes around and others were sitting with their
parents who were helping them to paint.
It had a cosy atmosphere and you could
go into the tea bar and make yourself a drink. You placed money into
a donations box.
One woman who was particularly friendly
towards me was called Lisa.
Lisa had a little boy called Henry. He
was 5 months old. Lisa asked if I had a partner and at this I became
a little tearful. I hadn't really spoken to many people about Bill
leaving and seeing the concern on Lisa's face made me feel rather
emotional.
I was able to explain that we had
recently separated. Lisa was very sympathetic.
She asked me if I would like to bring
Heidi round and have some dinner that evening.
I happily accepted this offer and
bought some cakes to bring round later that day.
I had enjoyed the company of the other
parents and children at the drop-in and now I was going to enjoy some
more time with my new friend. I hadn't realised how lonely and
isolated I had been feeling until the isolation was broken in this
way.
Chapter 5~ An eventful night.
Lisa had a nice little flat, about a 20
minute walk away from my place.
From the moment that I walked in, I was
made to feel very welcome.
Lisa had made us pizza and salad. It
was delicious. The pizza was a Margherita and the herbs on it made my
mouth water. The salad had a light dressing on and was most
refreshing.
It was wonderful to have someone cook
me a meal. I felt happy looking down at my beautiful daughter who was
sleeping soundly in her pram.
I was so pleased that I had plucked up
courage to go to the drop-in centre. I started to make more friends
and saw Lisa and Henry regularly. It was so good to feel accepted by
everyone and to have people to talk to who knew what I was going
through.
Lisa even offered to babysit one
evening so that I could go to the cinema. I hadn't been for ages and
I loved going.
I felt very odd leaving Heidi with
someone else but I trusted Lisa and knew that I wasn't going to be
away from my baby for too long. It felt even odder standing in the
queue to buy the tickets as I didn't know anyone there. I had
decided to go and see a horror film that was showing at the local
cinema. I almost changed my mind after I had bought my ticket and I
taken my seat in the dark. The film was bound to be scary, what if I
screamed and made a fool of myself?
I made up my mind to stay but then to
my amazement I looked over at the entrance and noticed Bill enter the
room, accompanied by a woman. That woman had to be Susan!
I was horrified. I shot to my feet and
bolted out of the room, swerving to avoid the couple as I left. As I
raced past, Bill noticed me and started to call after me but I kept
going. Bill didn't follow me
With my heart thumping in my chest ,I
ran out of the building and it was only when I was out in the cool
night air that I slowed my pace.
I didn't think I could face going back
to Lisa's to explain what had happened just yet so I decided to go
into the pub for a drink.
I rarely drank now that I was breast
feeding Heidi but I decided that today was an emergency.
It was still quite early in the evening
so the pub was rather quiet. I bought a glass of red wine and sat in
a cosy looking corner. I started to sip my wine slowly and began to
feel a little less shaky.
A few moments later a man approached me
and asked if he could sit down at my table.
I shrugged. “ It's up to you.” I
replied.
He sat down near me and asked me how I
was.
“ I'm OK.” I lied.
“ You don't look all that OK.” he
suggested.
I sighed.
There was a short silence which was
broken by the man replying, “ I am a good listener.”
I looked up at him then and said, “
Well I have had a pretty bad evening. I went to the cinema only to
find my ex-boyfriend there with his new girlfriend.”
The man nodded. “Yes that is a tough
one.” he agreed. He introduced himself as James.
We ended up chatting away all evening.
I found it really easy to talk to him and I told him all about what
had happened with Bill and how I had been left looking after my new
baby. When it got rather late I felt I ought to be getting back to
Lisa and Heidi, James insisted on walking me back.
We chatted all the way there and when
we arrived at Lisa's flat and knocked on the door, Lisa raised her
eyebrow slightly to see James stood next to me but she invited him in
anyway. James declined saying that he needed to be getting back but
he gave me his number and told me I could ring him any time I wanted
to talk.
“ It looks like you have had an
eventful evening! “ remarked Lisa.
“You wait 'til you hear what happened
to me.” I replied.
I filled Lisa in on all the details and
afterwards she responded by saying, “ Well when one door closes
another one opens.”
Chapter 6~Friendship
A couple of days later I decided that I
would phone James. I had really enjoyed his company and he was right,
he was a very good listener.
James sounded really happy to hear from
me. We agreed to meet for a walk in the local park. I thought it
would be nice for Heidi to visit the ducks. I brought some stale
bread along with us and when we reached the pond James threw the
scraps of bread into the pond while I held Heidi up so she could see
the ducks all scrabbling to reach it.
James told me that Heidi was beautiful
and that she looked just like her Mum. I blushed at this and could
feel the heat in my face as I received this compliment but I had to
admit it did make me happy.
We spent a couple of hours at the park
and then I decided that it would be nice to invite James in for a cup
of tea. I asked him if he would like to call in after the park and he
agreed. We walked back to my place and Heidi was fast asleep in the
pram. James helped me carry the pram up the steps and soon we were
sitting together in my tiny lounge.
James was really good company and the
lovely thing was he wasn't pushy. He let me talk when I was ready and
was always willing to listen.
I was chatting away to him when I
suddenly realised that I hadn't asked James very much about himself
at all.
“ I am so sorry James. You have been
such a good listener that I have forgotten to ask you about your
life!” I remarked.
James smiled. He explained that it
really didn't matter. He loved listening to people and hearing their
hopes and fears. He explained that he was less of a talker. He worked
in a bar and the customers loved him as he was always willing to
listen to them.
“ I suppose that is just as well!”
I laughed.
After an hour or two James explained
that he had better be going. He gave me a small hug before he left.
After he had gone, I sat in my
favourite armchair, sipping a strawberry tea. I loved the delicate
fragrance and the rich pink colour of the tea. I found myself
thinking about James and wondering about his life. I resolved to find
out more the next time we met.
In
fact I
didn't hear from James for a few days and I
started to think that maybe he wanted a bit of space and so I
didn't call him. I
did miss him though. He had become such a good person to talk to.
I
eventually began to wonder if I should call him and in the end, I
did.
I
called but there was no answer. I left a message on the answer-phone
saying that I hoped he was OK and inviting him round for dinner.
Chapter
7~ Missing Him.
A
few days later and I still hadn't heard anything. I was round at my
friend Lisa's and she asked me how things were going with James.
I
sighed and explained that I hadn't heard from him lately.
Lisa
said that she had a feeling that I would be hearing from him again
pretty soon.
I
wasn't feeling too confident that she was right.
About
a week later there was a knock on my door and when I opened it, James
was stood there. I was very pleased to see him.
James
came in and sat down in the lounge while I made him a cup of tea.
Heidi was sleeping in her cot. She was too big for the Moses basket
now and had started sleeping in a cot in my bedroom. This was going
pretty well.
I
sat down in an armchair and James explained that he had been away for
a while as his mother was very sick in hospital. He apologised for
not contacting me and explained that he had found his mothers illness
so stressful that she was the only person he was able to focus on for
a while.
I
felt sorry for James but happy that he was back in my life.
"
I have missed you." I explained.
"
I have missed you too." he replied.
I
insisted that James told me everything that was on his mind. " I
am sorry I haven't been a very good listener." I explained.
I
was so glad that I had James as a friend. It made everything so much
easier.
Chapter
8~ Milestones
I
hardly heard from Bill. Once in a while he would phone, ask how Heidi
was and promise to call again with a firm date for a visit but the
visit never came.
Heidi
was growing up quickly! She passed her milestone checks with flying
colours. It was so exciting when she was able to sit up, roll over
and stand up on her own.
She
started sleeping soundly and became a very smiley, happy baby. I was
pretty convinced that a lot of this was due to me feeling more
relaxed and happy as a parent. Now that I had people supporting me I
felt much less alone and happier being a Mum. I think that we both
enjoyed the drop-in centre.
The
months passed so quickly and then one wonderful day when I was sat in
her lounge having a cup of tea with James, Heidi pulled herself up on
the armchair and took three steps independently. We were so happy
that we had been there to witness this amazing milestone. Heidi was
almost 12 months old.
It
was time for me to start planning her birthday party.
I
decided to hold it at the drop-in centre.
Out
of the blue, I heard from Bill. He said that he would like to call in
and see his daughter on her birthday.
I
felt a little flustered at this as I had not seen him for such a long
time but of course I wanted Heidi to see her dad on her birthday. I
arranged from him to come round before her party at the drop-in
centre.
He
arrived at the time he said and had a neatly wrapped gift for his
daughter.
Heidi
did seem happy to see him and he looked equally happy to see her. I
made him a cup of tea and sat down in an armchair while Bill sat
cuddling Heidi on the sofa.
He
told me that he had some news. He announced that he was getting
married to Susan and he wanted Heidi to attend the wedding.
When
I heard these words I felt shocked!
I
didn't know what to say but Bill did not appear to notice. He was
excited about the wedding and was telling me where the register
office was and asking if I would mind attending too.
I
really did not know what to say. Bill helped Heidi unwrap his gift
which was a sweet little dress that was a bit on the small side but
he had kept the receipt so he told me that I would be able to
exchange it.
Bill
added that his parents could look after Heidi on the day if I really
didn't want to attend but that he felt it would be better for Heidi
to have her Mum there.
I
told Bill that I would think about it and then said that I needed to
start getting Heidi ready for her party.
Bill
took this as his cue to leave and before long I found myself alone
with Heidi in the flat.
I
got Heidi dressed into a pretty dress and wheeled her down to the
drop-in centre in her pushchair. I was still trying to process Bill's
news.
When
we got to the drop-in everyone shared some cakes. I blew up balloons
and took some lovely photographs. I think I looked happy enough but
my friend Lisa noticed I seemed rather quiet so she asked me what the
matter was. I told her about Bill and the wedding invitation.
“Wow,
that must have been a shock” Lisa agreed.
I
explained that I was happy for Heidi to attend her dad's wedding and
I could see why it would be nice for Heidi to have her Mum there too
but I was not sure if I could cope with being there surrounded by
Bill, his family and the family of the bride to be.
Lisa
advised leaving things for a while so that I could get used to the
news and see how I felt about it later.
Chapter
9~ A wedding and a trip to a park.
Lisa
was right. A few days later I felt better and decided that I would
attend the wedding.
It
turned out OK. Bill and his family were very welcoming and Bill's new
wife was actually quite kind and friendly so somehow I got through
the day.
Heidi
was well behaved and everyone admired her. She looked lovely in a
yellow dress that Bill had bought her especially for the wedding.
Once
the wedding was over, I felt a lot happier and realised that it was
time to move on with my own life and to start enjoying myself.
James
and Lisa were there for me and life did become a lot more fun.
One
day the drop-In centre arranged a trip to Greenwich market. We
arrived near the park in a comfortable coach. We walked through the
park and went to the market where I bought some delicious Ethiopian
Street Food and some fairy cakes. The market was beautiful and
vibrant. The food smelled delicious and the stalls were unique and
varied.
James
had come on the trip too and really enjoyed walking round the market.
Afterwards
we walked through the park together. Heidi looked up at the
impressive, huge trees in amazement. It was so lovely to see her
little face taking it all in.
After
a little while, Heidi became tired and fell asleep in her buggy.
James and I sat together on a bench and after a little while James
gently put his arm around me. I felt a little surprised at this at
first but I have to admit I liked it. I put my head on his shoulder
and we sat together like this for quite some time. Suddenly I smiled.
James asked me what I was thinking about. I claimed that it was,
'nothing much' but in reality I had remembered the words of the
fortune teller. She had claimed that a man whose name began with J
would make me happy again and it appeared that she was right!
Chapter
10~ Finding Work
This
marked the start of a new phase in our relationship. We became closer
and closer and Heidi responded very well to James whenever they met
up.
She
was growing very fast. Before long she was walking and talking and I
started to think of going back to work. It had been a real struggle
financially as Bill rarely paid me any maintenance and I had to
survive on Benefits.
I
used to be a teaching assistant so now I started to look for similar
roles. I also needed to find a child minder for Heidi and to my
delight, Sally, one of the parents that attended the drop in centre
explained that she was a registered child minder and she would be
very willing to look after Heidi if I found a job.
This
allowed me to start applying for jobs and eventually I was invited to
attend an interview.
I
felt excited and nervous at the interview.
I
must have come across well to the school though as I was offered the
job. I was delighted. I was going to be working with a young boy who
needed one to one support in school.
Chapter
11~Moving On
Life
was getting easier. I had friends and a job I enjoyed. James and I
went out on dates and our feelings for each other grew.
While
Heidi didn't see Bill as often as I would have liked, things seemed
to be going well in that department too.
It
was in the week of Heidi's 2nd birthday that I received
the news that Bills new wife was expecting their first baby. Lisa had
seen them in town and had noticed she was wearing maternity clothes.
Lisa broke the news to me. I was a bit shocked at first but soon got
used to the idea so when Bill called round to deliver Heidi's
birthday present I was able to act surprised but happy when Bill
shared the news with me.
In
fact the news that Bill was having a new child helped me to move on.
I accepted that there was no going back to that relationship and I
also realised how happy James made me feel.
It
was no real surprise to our friends when we announced that they were
moving in together. We got closer and closer and decided that we
wanted to be together. The decision was taken that Heidi and I would
move to James's house.
I
let Bill know and he was fine about it, in fact he wished us luck and
happiness for the future.
Heidi
really liked James and she was beaming and smiling when he came to
collect us and bring us to our new home. Once we had finished
unpacking the boxes of possessions we celebrated with a bottle of
Champagne.
I
was starting to feel really positive about the future. Things were
looking hopeful.
As
Heidi got older, she still saw her dad but she increasingly came to
rely on James as she saw him every day and he was there for her.
When
Heidi was two and a half she was ready to start playgroup, I felt
really nervous
getting
Heidi ready for her first day. Heidi was used to going to the drop-in
centre. She was also happy to go to her childminders when I had work
but she had never been left alone with people that she didn't know
before. Heidi knew that she was going to playgroup and that Mummy
would not be there but she was going to have a lovely time and meet
new friends. She seemed happy as we walked into the hall. The leader
was called Wendy. She was very smiley and friendly and Heidi was
happy to take her hand and go over to investigate the slide. Her chin
did wobble a little as I kissed her goodbye and left but she coped
very well. In fact, Heidi showed herself to be a very resilient
child. She got to know the other members of the playgroup quickly and
soon enjoyed being part of it all.
The
leader told me how kind and helpful Heidi was for a child of her age.
She was happy to share toys and if she saw another child cry she
would go over to them and put her arm around them.
I
was very proud of my daughter.
Before
I knew it the time had arrived for Heidi to start school. I shopped
for her uniform and started to prepare her for this new experience.
On
her first day, Heidi was excited! She looked really sweet in her
uniform. She was attending the same school as two of her friends from
Playgroup which made the first day so much easier for all of them.
They
all sat together as their teacher read them a story.
Heidi
loved having stories read to her. She listened carefully and joined
in the actions that the teacher taught her. She soon made new friends
too. Heidi showed that she was good at taking turns and was always
trying to help her friends too.
I
was so proud of her.
My
relationship with James was going from strength to strength and so I
viewed this part of my life as a particularly happy period.
Heidi
enjoyed school and she also enjoyed being at home with her little
family. She also loved seeing her dad when she got the opportunity.
As
Heidi grew, so did her vocabulary. She was very good at talking to
others as well as listening to them. Other children naturally wanted
to be her friend. She became very popular and always made sure that
she was fair to her friends. She liked to help the teachers too and
they reported to me that she was a joy to have in class. In fact
Heidi was fun to take anywhere. She was very cheerful and took
pleasure in the simple things in life. She still loved feeding the
ducks and showed a real love for animals.
When
she was about ten she still loved going to the park. She liked to be
independent and so on summer afternoon's after school I would let her
go and play with her friends for an hour or so before she came in for
her tea. We were lucky to have the park virtually on our doorstep. It
was only across a quiet street.
Chapter
12~ The Accident.
I
remember that one day her friend Millie invited her to her house for
tea. They enjoyed pizza and chips and Heidi told me that she admired
a necklace that Millie wore around her neck. It was a little silver
seahorse.
She
thought it was the prettiest thing she had ever seen.
It's
funny how these memories stand out in the jumble of life. Heidi grew
up much like any other little girl. She had her joys and sorrows,
just like anyone else.
One
day Heidi played in the park with her friends Millie and Susie. She
must have decided to decided to go home for tea and as she walked
across the road a motorist failed to spot her crossing between the
parked cars and they hit her.
The
first I knew about any of this was that a neighbour banged on my door
and told me that my daughter had been involved in an accident. By the
time I arrived at the park Heidi had been rushed away in an
ambulance.
I
felt sick with fear. On my way to the hospital I was sobbing and
praying that Heidi would be OK. I felt so guilty that I hadn't been
there to help my child.
I
phoned James and Bill and they made their way to the hospital too.
Things
were very tense at the hospital. Heidi was unconscious and the
doctors were scanning her to see if she had any internal bleeding.
Following
the scan ,she was taken to a single room that was constantly
monitored by nurses while we awaited her results.
After
a long wait, the doctor approached with the good news that Heidi was
not brain damaged. It was hoped that she would regain consciousness
soon.
We
were gathered round her bed when she finally opened her eyes.
I
felt such utter relief to see my daughter's beautiful face. She
looked tired but alert.
I
knew I was lucky to still have my daughter with me. I held her hand
gently and told her how much I loved her. That is one experience that
I will never forget as long as I live.
When
she was feeling better Heidi was allowed visitors and the first was
her good friend Millie. She presented her friend with a gift.
Heidi
was excited to open the parcel and to her delight there was a little
necklace with a tiny seashell on it.
Millie
hugged her friend and happily showed me. I gasped. The necklace was
identical to the one that I wore around my neck!
I
showed Heidi who did not look that surprised.
Heidi
smiled at her Mum and said calmly, “ I gave you that remember, when
I went to visit you.”
I
was puzzled.
“What
do you mean?” I asked.
“I
travelled back and gave you your necklace. She pointed to my neck.
I
was wearing the little silver necklace with the shell.
I
was stunned.
“What
is she talking about?” Bill wanted to know.
“It
doesn't matter Bill. I think she is just tired.” I replied but I
sat quietly holding my daughters hand trying to make sense of what I
had just discovered.
This
whole experience was incredible. How could this be explained?
I
wanted to know what had happened but more than that I was concerned
that my daughter made a full recovery.
Luckily
she healed well and it was a wonderful day when I was allowed to
bring my daughter home. I made Heidi her favourite dinner which was
bangers and mash.
Chapter
13~Following Dreams
Looking
back on all the amazing things that happened, I realised that it was
in the days that followed Heidi's return from hospital that things
really started to change.
Heidi
had always been a kind and sensitive girl but after her hospital
admission she seemed so calm and positive. It was fun to be around
her and spend time with her. She became even more popular at school.
She did not like it when any child was lonely or upset and if anyone
got left out of playground, Heidi always included them in her games.
One
day after school, Heidi asked me if I had any dreams or wishes for
the future.
I
thought about this and stated that I would love to take Heidi camping
in a camper van.
I
could drive but had been unable to afford to run a car, let alone a
camper van.
Heidi
looked thoughtful but didn't say anything at the time
A
couple of days later I was putting away some washing. I went into
Heidi's room and found her making a collage out of pictures cut from
magazines.
I
looked at the images stuck down on paper and saw that there was a
picture of a camper van along with some lovely seaside holiday
destinations.
I
asked her daughter what she was doing and Heidi explained that she
was creating a Vision Board.
I
asked what a Vision Board was and Heidi explained that she had read
about them in one of the magazines. She told me that if you decide on
some things that you would really like, you can find pictures of them
and create a collage of all your desires. She explained that if you
spend time imagining how lovely it would be to receive these things,
you could find that your dreams come true.
I
smiled. I liked seeing my daughter happy. I didn't think much more
about her Vision Board though. I saw her looking intensely at it
every so often but to be honest I had almost forgotten about it when
one day there was a phone call. When I answered the phone I was
amazed to discover that Heidi had persuaded James to enter a
competition to win a camper van and that he had won it!
When
Heidi heard this she was delighted. James and I were stunned!
We
couldn't believe how lucky we were and we got started planning a
wonderful holiday for the three of us.
Everyone
who knew her said that there was something special about Heidi. She
was so friendly and positive that everyone wanted to be her friend.
Whenever
she heard of someone in school being treated unkindly she was always
the first to try and help.
One
day she heard about Children In Need and asked the school if they
could hold a cake sale to raise money for this charity. The school
gave permission and Heidi encouraged all her friends to make cakes to
sell. She started to create posters to advertise the event.
This
was typical of the type of thing that Heidi did as a young girl and
as she grew into a teenager she continued to show compassion for
others.
Chapter
14~ Helping Others
At
16 she became worried about her friend Gemma. Gemma's Mum had a drink
problem and often took her frustration out on her daughter. One day
Gemma ran away from home. Everyone was worried about her and people
started searching for her. It was Heidi that she contacted for help.
Heidi
went to meet her in the park. Gemma explained that she wasn't going
home and told her why. Heidi was able to persuade her to come home
with her to see me.
When I heard what had been going on I
explained that I would need to contact Social Services to let them
know what was happening.
A Social Worker visited and agreed that
Gemma could stay with us while they visited Gemma's home to assess
the situation.
Gemma ended up staying with us for a
few days while her Mum received help for her drink problem.
I told Heidi how proud I was of
her.
Heidi continued to make Vision Boards.
As she got older she was less interested in receiving things for
herself. She became more interested in manifesting something that
would be good for other people as well as herself.
The boards were very successful and her
friends enjoyed making their own and looking back on their successes.
Chapter 15~ Growing Up
Heidi did well in her GCSE's and
enrolled at college where she decided to study Art.
Heidi was very creative and started
making beautiful collages out of scraps of photographs. She had a
real eye for detail and the end results was very effective.
She became very interested in nature
and loved taking photographs of plants and animals to add to her
collages.
These pictures cheered me up after time
spent watching all the depressing events in The News. It seemed to me
that the rich got richer and the poor got poorer and that some
countries had so little while others had so much.
I regularly grumbled about politicians
and how greedy they were.
Heidi sympathised with me. She said
that some people did appear to be quite greedy but she said that she
preferred reading about the good things that were happening in the
world.
Heidi loved reading. She became
fascinated with personal development books and
enjoyed finding ways to help people
live happier lives. Some of her friends found their teenage years
very difficult.
Heidi's friend Jane was worried about
her weight despite being beautifully slim. Heidi spent a lot of time
being there for Jane and trying to convince her that she was fine as
she was but Jane could not believe this. She started making herself
sick in an attempt to get skinnier.
Heidi was a great listener. She didn't
try to tell Jane what to do but constantly reminded her that she was
there for her friend.
This gradually started to pay off as
Jane was increasingly willing to talk to Heidi about how she was
feeling and this slowly put her on the road to recovery.
I was amazed at the way Heidi was able
to listen to people and support them without passing judgement on
them. She did well in her studies gaining a B at A level for her
art.
Although she loved drawing, painting
and any other sort of creative activity she realised that helping
people was what she found the most rewarding. She walked dogs for
their elderly neighbours and regularly offered to go shopping for
them. She bought things from the local supermarket to donate to the
food bank. She smiled at people for no reason and they smiled back.
Chapter 16~ Heidi's First Job
I wasn't surprised when Heidi told me
that she wanted to work with people when she left college. She
started applying for jobs but it was tough finding a job with no
experience. I spoke to the Head at the school where I was working
and he agreed that Heidi could come in to help at the school on a
voluntary basis. As Heidi was 18 she had to apply for a DBS check and
the school agreed to pay for it.
Once the check came through Heidi was
allowed to volunteer at the Nursery which was part of the school. She
enjoyed working with the children but particularly enjoyed talking to
the parents. Some were young and inexperienced and they valued
Heidi's friendly and helpful nature.
Heidi was popular at school. The
children, parents, carers and staff all liked her.
James had to spend time travelling back
and forth visiting his mother. She was getting more and more frail.
Her house had been sold and she had moved into a care home where she
received a lot of help.
Heidi sometimes visited her too. She
got on well with her as she was such a good listener. I sometimes
went too but I never really knew what to say. I guess I was there to
support James more than anything else.
Heidi continued to enjoy working at the
nursery. She worked hard and in her spare time she read and created
wonderful paintings and collages.
One day Heidi decided to go into town.
She needed some more paint so that she could continue with some art
that she was working on. She caught the bus as it was dull and rainy
so the long walk into town did not seem particularly appealing.
She noticed a magazine on the seat next
to her and decided to flick through it.
She was interested to discover that the
magazine was about Personal Development. It had an article about EFT
Tapping. Heidi had heard about Tapping before and had even tried it
out on herself. It definitely helped her to release any anxiety or
tension that she was experiencing.
She spotted another article. This one
was about the benefits of life coaching.
Heidi hadn't heard of life coaching
before. She read the article with increasing excitement. Life
coaching was something that she would definitely look into more.
After her shopping trip she went home
and a short internet search she found an accredited online life
coaching course for almost £900. That was a lot of money for her but
she decided that she would love to do the course and so she printed
off details about the course and added them to her current Vision
Board.
She had the board up in her bedroom and
looked at it every day.
About a week later I was bringing some
washing up to Heidi and she noticed her seated in front of her
vision board. I noticed her eyes were closed. When she sensed that
someone was in her room Heidi opened her eyes. She smiled when she
saw her mother and thanked me for the clothes.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Heidi explained that she was meditating
and visualising what it would be like to take the life coaching
course and then become a life coach.
I smiled. I sometimes thought my
daughter was a bit bonkers but lovely with it!
I wished I had the money to pay for my
daughter's course but I didn't. All the money James and I earned
seemed to get swallowed up by everyday bills.
Heidi wasn't daunted. She told me, “
If the course is right for me I will find a way to pay for it.”
I was impressed at her daughter's
optimism.
Heidi carried on volunteering at the
school. She really enjoyed the work.
About 2 weeks later she came back from
the nursery and found her me in the school staffroom.
The nursery manager had asked her to
apply for a job!
One of the workers was leaving at the
end of the month and they had received very few suitable applications
for the job that had been advertised.
Heidi applied for the job and was
invited to attend an interview.
The interview took place and Heidi was
offered the job. She was delighted.
“Now I can afford to pay you rent!”
she beamed at James and I.
James said, “ That is very kind of
you but we would like you to take that life coaching course. “ We
will pay for it and you can pay us back from your wages. Once you
have paid off the course you can start paying some rent, OK?”
Heidi ran up to James and threw her
arms around him.
“ You are the best!” she announced.
James was very happy to be able to help
Heidi in this way as she so rarely asked for anything for herself.
Chapter 17~ Life Coaching
I knew that Heidi would do well in the
Life Coach training and I remember how happy she was once she
completed the course.
It took her a year to complete and then
she started work on setting up her business.
She created her own website and ordered
some business cards.
We told everyone we knew about her
service and all her friends did the same.
I didn't realise how many people Heidi
knew, until this moment. So many people shared her face book posts
and news soon spread about the service Heidi was offering.
Heidi offered online and phone coaching
and she started to look out for a place to hold face to face
coaching.
She did all this while turning up for
work every day.
It took time for people to start
booking her but gradually Heidi started to receive clients. Most
wanted phone coaching so Heidi would dash back from work and gets her
notebook ready before phoning her clients at the times arranged.
She sat in her room for hours listening
to people, helping them to decide on goals that they would like to
achieve and the steps that they would need to take in order to
achieve those goals. Clients usually booked her for around 8 sessions
and then they would report that they had succeeded in the goals that
they had set themselves. They were often delighted at the
improvements that they were able to make in their lives and were more
than happy to give Heidi positive reviews on her website.
Before too long Heidi was in such
demand that she reduced her hours at work so that she could do some
coaching during the day.
Chapter 18~ A Funeral
Around that time James received the sad
news that his mother had died. He was upset but not surprised as she
had been ill for some time.
We went to the funeral and Heidi came
with us. I am glad she was there as she had a way of making sad
situations easier to cope with.
It wasn't too long after this that we
received the news that Ann, James' mother had left him money in her
will. James was quite surprised how much she had saved. James was an
only child so all the money his mother had was left to him. I was
delighted for him as he had always struggled financially despite
working very hard.
Chapter 19~ Inspired Ideas
Heidi kept looking out for a suitable
venue for her coaching sessions. She had tried quiet cafés and even
the library. She looked into booking rooms in small offices and then
one day she burst into the room with a huge grin on her face.
“ I have had the most wonderful
idea!” she beamed.
She proceeded to tell me of her plan.
She said that she wanted to take over
an old pub and turn it into a creative centre.
I asked her what a creative centre was
and she replied, “ I don't know exactly. I will figure that out as
I go along. I would like it to offer healthy food. It could offer
space for musicians and artists to work and areas for exhibitions
and performances. They would be rooms for coaches too. There could be
camping space at the back with a small sanctuary for animals.”
Her list of ideas was endless. I could
see how excited she was and her excitement was infectious. My brain
started to fill with ideas and plans too. That was the thing about
Heidi.
She was simply the most positive and
enthusiastic person I had ever met.
I told James about Heidi's plan. He
listened carefully to what I told him and his face lit up.
That sounds brilliant! He agreed.
I didn't realise then how inspired
James had been by that short conversation. I was to find out a few
days later though.
I came home from work and found James
looking intently at something on his laptop.
I asked him what he was doing and he
told me that he had been inspired by Heidi's idea and that he had
found a pub that they could buy.
I couldn't believe that he was willing
to do this. I was as excited as Heidi was when James told us what he
had planned!
James explained that Heidi had inspired
him to follow a dream of his that he had a long time ago but had done
nothing about.
He had been working in bars for years
and he was good at his job. He had wanted to run a bar of his own one
day and now he had the means to do this.
He asked us if we would be willing to
give up our current jobs and help run the pub.
We both agreed that we would be more
than happy to do that if a suitable place could be found.
James said that he would look for a
venue that had land that could be used for camping and for Heidi's
planned animal sanctuary. It would need to have kitchens so that we
could offer food and outbuildings that could be turned into
workshops.
Heidi created a vision board and
sketched out the spaces as she imagined them. She felt it was
important that there was a license for live music so musicians could
put on gigs.
Chapter 20~ Creative Centre
We all threw ourselves in to finding a
suitable building and eventually we found one! It was a pub in Kent.
It had buildings at the back and permission for camping. We were so
excited.
The day James got the keys was a proud
day for us all. We went in the front door and walked around picturing
where we would put everything and the changes we would make.
The outbuildings excited me the most.
Some were the right size to become artists workshops and some would
make excellent rehearsal space providing we insulated the walls.
There was even stables at the back that
could easily be converted into enclosures for the animals that we
wished to offer a home to.
In the pub itself there was a
reasonable sized kitchen and enough room for a small café.
There was a wooden floor wit a small
stage that could become the performance area. A side room could be
used for workshops and there was a couple of smaller rooks that would
be ideal for meetings.
James and Heidi left their jobs as soon
as we received the keys to the pub. I kept working at the school for
a while so that we at least had some money coming in while the pub
was being converted.
Heidi had so many friends that wanted
to help her make a success of the centre.
She knew electricians, plasterers, you
name it!
A lot of people did work very cheaply
and in very little time the building was ready for use.
James was the main barman and his
friend Tom was the chef. Tom had worked with James for years and was
very reliable. He was also vegetarian and was determined to make our
pub known for excellent vegetarian food that everyone would like to
eat.
Heidi was responsible for organising
the entertainment and running workshops and I agreed to help her with
bookings and do some waitressing as I used to be a waitress years
ago.
Chapter 21~ The Launch and our early
days
Heidi was mainly responsible for
planning the launch as she knew so many people but James and I
invited some people too.
I will never forget the launch. The
local newspaper attended and wrote a very encouraging article on what
we were trying to archive by opening the centre.
Heidi had so much energy that it was
infectious. We all worked really hard to get things up and running.
Local bands were more than happy to
come and perform and their fans enjoyed using our facilities.
Tom was an excellent chef and his food
soon gained a good reputation in the area. Many meat eaters chose the
vegetarian option when they came for dinner as it was so delicious.
This pleased Tom as he was determined to encourage people to eat less
meat.
Heidi asked her artistic friends if any
of them needed a workshop and soon the art workshops were being used
regularly.
Heidi created a wonderful space to hold
meetings and run workshops and was able to do her coaching from the
centre.
Life was very good.
Heidi's dad visited us and told us how
impressed he was with the facilities too.
Looking back on those early days I
smile and realise how much we had to learn. We knew very little about
running a business and made lots of mistakes. It took a long time to
get permission to create the sanctuary on the land too.
I spent a lot of time talking to
members of the council to make sure we put in the right applications
in the right way. Fortunately we had no close neighbours so met
little resistance from anyone once we assured enquirers that the
number of animals would be limited.
Heidi was always so positive and upbeat
and her optimistic nature rubbed off on James and myself.
We learnt quickly from any mistakes
that we made and my wage from school helped us stay afloat
financially until we started making a bit of a profit.
The band side of things went really
well as did the art space. Artists loved holding exhibitions at our
place and they sold quite a bit of their work.
Heidi's coaching was very popular too
and she offered some very successful workshops.
The food went from strength to
strength.
All in all we were very lucky that
things worked out as well as they did.
After a year or so we were making some
money and I decided that it was time for me to give up my job.
I was very grateful to the school for
employing me and I had many happy times there but now it was time for
me to join my little family and support them in helping the creative
centre to develop.
It was wonderful when we were ready to
start taking in animals. We connected with a rescue charity who had
rescue dogs that needed a home and we took in three to start with.
They were such lovely dogs and they
immediately settled in to their new home with us.
We loved having the dogs . I loved
taking them out for long walks.
I have always found walking clears the
mind and makes me feel happy.
Sometimes Heidi would come with me on
the walks and every now and then, James came too.
I was fascinated by the work that Heidi
was doing. Sometimes she had just one client and at other times she
had a small group. She spoke to some clients using Skype and for
others she would speak to them on the phone.
Chapter 22~ Meditation
Heidi always seemed to have plenty of
energy and I wanted to know how she managed to keep it up.
She told me that meditation really
helped her to maintain her high energy levels.
She asked me if I wanted to join her
meditation group.
I decided to give it a try as I had
nothing to lose.
She had worked with the musicians on
recording some suitable relaxing music. She started by welcoming the
group and making sure we were all seated comfortably. She taught us
how to breath deeply and asked us all to close our eyes.
Once our eyes were closed she put on
the music and guided us carefully and slowly through our meditation.
I found it so relaxing. It was hard to
believe that there were nine of us in that room while the meditation
took place. We were all so still and silent.
Heidi helped us to visualise a peaceful
place, a sanctuary, where we could go whenever we wanted to feel calm
and less stressed. My sanctuary was a log cabin in a beautiful wood.
I was able to imagine it in vivid detail and after the meditation was
over I felt amazingly relaxed.
The rest of the group felt equally
relaxed after the session.
Chapter 23~ Animals
I think that homing the animals was the
most rewarding aspect of our project.
I really liked walking the dogs. They
had such friendly personalities. They were quick to trust us. I loved
spending time with them.
After a while we started to receive
calls from people who couldn't look after their animals any longer.
We were able to take in some and re-home others. Heidi even came up
with the idea of forming a group of volunteers who were willing to
walk the dogs belonging to the frail and the elderly. This was a
brilliant idea as that meant people cold continue to live with their
beloved pets safe in the knowledge that a trusted and friendly person
would walk their pet for them regularly.
Heidi taught us so much. I really
enjoyed working as a family and despite the long hours I can honestly
say that opening the centre was the best thing we ever did.
Chapter 23~ Nightmare
All was going incredibly well until one
Wednesday in February when Heidi went to London to run an workshop.
It was about two years after we opened the centre.
She set off early on the train and I
helped run the centre in her absence. James was in the kitchen when
the phone rang.
It was someone phoning from London to
ask where Heidi was.
I was really puzzled. She had set off
in plenty of time and so far as I knew ,the trains were running
normally.
I apologised to the woman on the phone
and took her number. I said that I would contact Heidi and get back
to her.
I tried phoning Heidi immediately but
her phone went straight to answer-phone.
I went to the kitchen to tell James and
he said that hadn't heard anything.
I phoned the woman and told her that
something unexpected must have happened. I apologised to her again
and said that I would arrange a refund for her.
By this time I was starting to feel
worried. Heidi had never done anything like this before.
I asked James if we should call the
police.
James felt it was probably too early to
phone the police but agreed that if we hadn't heard from her in few
hours that maybe we should get in touch with them.
In the meantime I went onto Facebook
and started sending messages to her friends to see if they knew where
she was. Nobody did.
James and I waited and waited and still
nothing, so we called the police.
They were sympathetic but said that she
was likely to be fine as she hadn't been missing long and she hadn't
been involved in any arguments.
We agreed to call in to the local
police station the next morning to give them a photo of Heidi and
further details.
The morning arrived, I hadn't slept. We
had lots of Fcebook messages offering us support but no leads as to
where Heidi might be. We went to the police station and the took a
statement from us and started to make enquiries.
James went to London to look around the
area where Heidi was supposed to have been. He took a photo with him
and asked around but nobody had seen her.
I stayed at the centre trying to keep
things going there.
Lots of Heidi's friends called in and
offered to help look for her.
Things became rather a whirl after
that. At one point the police called round to us and started looking
through Heidi's things.
Days went by. The police stepped up
their enquiries when we received no news as to Heidi's whereabouts.
They were very supportive actually.
I didn't sleep for days. I couldn't. I
would lie in the dark for a while and fear would grip onto me forcing
me to sit up straight, gasping for air.
James wanted me to go to the doctor to
get some sleeping pills but I refused. I have never been keen on
taking medication unless absolutely necessary.
I lay awake for hours and hours and
then at last I must have nodded off for a little while at least as I
found myself transported in a dream to a dark wood.
I started to walk in the wood and I
remember calling out my daughter's name. I was walking and it was
getting dark. I wasn't wearing a coat so I was shivering with cold.
As I walked I realised that I was
getting deeper into the wood and it was getting cooler and darker. I
followed a path which eventually petered out at the foot of a steep
hill. I started to climb the hill taking care not to slip as the
grass was long and wet. As I climbed I could see a mound ahead of me.
As I approached, I gasped as I realised that the small mound was in
fact a body lying on the ground.
I rushed up to the body and as I
approached, a terrible sinking feeling came over me. I realised that
the body was in fact my daughter.
I stumbled up to her and sank down onto
the ground beside her. I rolled her onto her back and realised that
she was breathing! I remember fumbling for my mobile phone in my
pocket but realised I didn't have it with me.
I started panicking, shouting at Heidi
trying to get her to wake up.
I shouted 'w
Wake Up!' and as I did so I found
myself waking up. I was covered in sweat.
I was disappointed to realise that this
experience had only been a dream but the images were so vivid that I
decided to wake James and tell him about what had happened. James is
so lovely. He listened to my story although it must have sounded mad.
He held me tightly and told me everything was going to be OK.
I asked him if we should tell the
police. As soon as I said that I realised how ridiculous it sounded.
What could I tell them, that I had dreamt I had found Heidi in a wood
and that she was still alive?
One of the things I love about James is
that he never makes me feel silly, no matter what ridiculous thing I
may say to him. He felt that the police would be unlikely to take my
dream seriously but he started looking on Google maps and actually
managed to find a wooded area near the centre where Heidi was going
to do the workshop. He spent a long time looking at maps and then he
shut his laptop.
Chapter 24~ The Search
“Right, let's go!” he said.
Before I knew it we were driving to
area where the wood was located.
When we got there I must admit I felt
really strange. I felt as if I had been there before. James held my
hand as we started walking in the wood. It was very quiet and dark
there once you moved away from the road. I was shaking as we walked
along the path as it was so very familiar. Once the path started to
fade I knew that this was the wood that I had visited in my dream.
We started to scramble up the steep
hill. I used trees to pull myself up with and James followed close
behind me. We scrambled into thicker wood as we made our way up the
hill and then I saw her lying in a heap on the ground. She was
virtually surrounded by long grass but I knew it was her straight
away.
I started to scream. James managed to
say calm and rushed up to her body. He turned her over and started to
shake her.
I managed to pull myself together and
started to feel for her pulse. To my delight I could feel it although
it was very weak. James was calling the ambulance while I was holding
on to my beautiful girl.
I could hear the ambulance siren
approaching but it took a while for the paramedics to arrive as the
ambulance had to be left on the road. James was waiting on the road
for them leaving me cradling my girl. The team arrived with a
stretcher. Things moved quickly after that. They assessed her and
pumped her full of medication.
Next we arrived at the hospital where
they managed to revive her.
I have never been so relieved In my
life!
She had broken her ankle and had become
severely dehydrated.
It was a while before Heidi was able to
speak to us and longer still before she was able to tell us what had
happened.
Heidi had arrived at the venue early
and so she had decided to go for a walk. She had found the wood and
was walking up the slope. The ground was fairly wet as it had been
raining earlier that day. She wasn't wearing the right footwear for
walking and when she slipped she knocked herself out as she hit her
head on some rock. She remembered coming round and trying to get up
but her ankle was badly damaged so she could not get up. She had
crawled quite a long way and she had shouted but nobody had found
her. Eventually she ran out of strength and passed out again through
dehydration. Doctors told us that she was very lucky that her kidneys
were responding well to treatment.
I felt incredibly lucky to have my
beautiful daughter back with us.
Chapter 25~ The News
Our story became News. A reporter came
to visit Heidi at the hospital. Heidi agreed to talk about The Centre
and said that she hoped that this publicity would help them raise
funds for animals.
She had become increasingly devoted to
animals and wanted to donate to local larger sanctuaries so that she
could support more animals to help them find loving homes.
She was quite embarrassed at all the
publicity but she felt it was worth it as it was raising the profile
of worthy causes.
Chapter 26~ Rising above it all.
The single most amazing thing about my
daughter was that she never complained. At around this time there
were some shock election results throughout the world and many people
worried that the powers that be were putting profit before people and
that the rich were getting richer and the poor were getting poorer.
While Heidi was sympathetic whenever
any of us complained her outlook was so positive.
She said to me that she believed that
the only person that you can change is yourself. If you learn to live
in the present and express gratitude for all the wonderful things in
your life you will have a much bigger impact on people than when you
moan and complain and try and force other people to change.
She said that forgiveness is the way
forward as it brings peace and happiness.
More and more people came to see Heidi
at the centre and her ideas were spreading far and wide.
Heidi read a lot and was always willing
to share what she had learnt with others. She formed a book club
where people met to discuss books that had helped them.
She started getting air time on TV.
People wanted to know more about her philosophy on life. Many people
were ready to work together to improve life for everyone.
Unbelievably not everyone seemed to
like Heidi's message. She was empowering down-trodden people to speak
up for themselves. People were lobbying MP's to encourage them to
improve life for their constituents and she backed people campaigning
for better working and housing conditions.
Sometimes people who were being abused
by their partners plucked up courage to speak out and leave them.
She was always ready to speak up for
people and helped them to speak up for themselves.
As a result of this some people were
critical of her. Sometimes a magazine article would be published
referring to Heidi as a do-gooder who should keep out of other
people's business.
Heidi didn't seem too worried about
this type of response but it did upset me. She said that it is none
of our business what other people think of us. She said that she was
committed to making life better for people and she would not be
intimidated by her opponents.
During any debates I never saw Heidi
get cross or lose her temper. She was always confident and put her
point across clearly but was at the same time respectful of other
people's views.
I know that sometimes she would receive
abusive comments on her Twitter feed but she never let that kind of
thing bother her.
I wish that I had her confidence.
Chapter 27 ~ Prediction
Things were never dull at this time.
Visitors flooded to the centre and Heidi's reputation spread abroad.
Heidi never ran out of energy an was always willing to listen to and
help anyone who needed her.
The centre thrived. We had exciting
exhibitions and gigs put on and the food was absolutely delicious.
One day, a fortune teller made contact
with Heidi. It was the one who had given me the prediction about
Heidi being special. She came to The Centre and I recognised her
right away despite her being older than when I had last seen her.
She beamed when she saw Heidi at the
bar. She walked up to her and told her that she had been waiting a
long time to meet her. She asked her if they could meet privately and
they both went into one of the small workshop spaces.
When they re-emerged about half an hour
later, the woman hugged Heidi, nodded to me and left.
After she had gone Heidi sat quietly
with a drink. She did not look sad but very thoughtful so I left her
to herself for a while. After about an hour I approached her and
asked her if she was OK.
She nodded. “I'm OK mum, I just heard
some rather surprising news.” She didn't elaborate further but gave
me an extra long hug when I told her I was going to bed as it was
getting late.
Chapter 28~ The Next Day
The next day I got up and discovered
Heidi had gone.
She left me a letter. It read:
Dear Mum and James,
I have had to go away for a while. Some
people are after me and it is not safe for any of us if I remain
here. I can't tell you where I am going right now as this may put you
at risk. Trust that I love you and that I will be OK. I will contact
you whenever I can.
All my love Heidi. xxxx
I have no idea exactly where Heidi is
now.
All I know is that Heidi's movement of
positivity and love is spreading.
Heidi continues to arrange events and
has trained people to coach her clients. She moves about so that
nobody who wishes her harm can catch up with her and I continue to
run her centre just as she would like it to be run.
Every so often Heidi is able to make
contact with me via a friend and we are able to meet for a few hours.
I live for those times!
I wouldn't have it any other way
though. Heidi will not stop working to help other people live happy
lives and for some reason her enemies wish to stop her. I am so glad
that I have James beside me helping me every step of the way.
It was difficult for Bill to understand
exactly what was happening with his daughter but he too is so proud
of her and would never stand in her way.
Centres have started springing up in
various parts of the world. They offer people and animals hope and a
fresh start.
That fortune teller was right.
My daughter is someone special. I am
privileged to be able to call her my daughter and thanks to her
devotion and love, The World is becoming a better place.
